She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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