just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
