You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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