Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
