I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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