plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Green mimosas i think yes
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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