Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
