he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
