If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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