Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
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I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
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I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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