I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
