i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
