come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
