Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
