what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
