Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
