It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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