guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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