Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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