I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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