I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
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