cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
