i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
