I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
