pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
