think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
