I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
