Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
