Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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