I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
sex in a hospital.. check
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
