i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I cut my penus on the lid.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
