i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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