This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
