He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
