If that was your dad, he is hot
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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