the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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