it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
