you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
