Will you blow on my dice?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
