He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
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