Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
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That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
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I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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