Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
