Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
