when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
