My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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