Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
