omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
