This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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