Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we're chasing vodka with high fives
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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