So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
