Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
