he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
