cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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