hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Randomize
