dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
