I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
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Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
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So much rum. So many feels.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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