Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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