New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
