girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
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DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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