I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
you never un-have a 4some
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
