Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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