hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
