dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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