so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
