physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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