Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
