Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You made out with two different species that night
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
