dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
