He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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