Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Screwed.edu
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I am one with the molecules
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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