how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
