I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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