i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
