She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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