I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
