I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
