I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
