Non-Jews are for practice
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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