I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
