We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
