if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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