Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
