i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
