she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
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