Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
