i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
